Demented

George Melly has emphysema, lung cancer and now dementia. Mrs Melly said her husband was absolutely fine when on stage, and had no trouble remembering the words of songs.

Twucking Fat

February always brought out the best in Ali. It's a Godawful month, usually, too early for spring, way past the new year, and no holiday in sight, unless you're rich, or a clever bastard who plans ahead, splayed out on a Thai or a Goa beach anointed with coconut oil, because "the climate is so perfect here right now."

Exercise is a chore leading to sore muscles, raw skin, red ears, chapped lips; sex seems out of the question when the purpose of bed is to recover. Nobody reveals an inch of flesh as the howling winds turn exposure into a potentially lethal medical condition.

Yes, February was always welcome, and he made amends for it's lack of civility. All you can do is eat, and so all he did was cook. He roasted nuts, he baked pies, he fricasseed, he blanched, he garnished, he toasted all manner of foodstuffs, seemingly determined to put the cold behind a warm, comfortable layer of fat. Fat laid down upon fat, like the rings of a tree, he imagined, if they cut him they would see the Shepherd's Pie, followed by the pasta, followed by the next hearty meal he'd managed to concoct as a remedy against the killing season.

He fed himself, and then his nourishment fanned in a spiral, beginning, as with all charity, at home, then outwards to friends, neighbours, invitees, acquaintances, random meetings and chance encounters; he would meet someone looking thin on a commuter train, drag them smilingly back, feed them as part of his usual row of hungry mouths.

Then, as the blossoms burst out of the trees, and the sun began it's approach, warming skin, and young people removed clothes, he would sigh, weigh himself, and visibly wilt. From March until late September, no more culinary extravaganzas. Back on the fitness treadmill. Once again, a mighty talent in summer hibernation.

How Neurotic Am I Not?

My Personality

Neuroticism	20
Extraversion	87
Openness To Experience	94
Agreeableness	61
Conscientiousness	54

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Zidane Takes John Otway's Advice

Is the exclusion of Zidane the key element of the match?
"One can say that exclusion is an element of the match because on the second period and the prolongation, the Italians awaited only one thing, it was to arrive at the shootings at the goal, it was their only hope. But there already was the exit of Patrick Vieira who also had an influence. After there is the exit of Zinedine, one is found to ten. There were two outstanding facts before the shootings with the goal."

Why there it was a time before Zidane does not receive its red paperboard?
"One has just founded the video arbitration because it is the fourth referee who came to say it. The referee of key does not have anything considering. It is a new rule which is installation, lives it video in football!".

Was the paperboard justified?
"I do not know. I did not see the images. I can nothing say. I say that it is a pity, it is sad. The man of the match, it is not Pirlo, it is Materazzi, it marks and it makes exclude Zidane... But after, on the gesture, I regret it, and also let us regret we it, and Zidane too. But Materazzi should be there for nothing. I do not imagine that Zidane wanted to be excluded. It occurred something. It is obvious."

You are sad to see Zidane leaving like that?
"It is sad when a large player finishes his career like that, excluded, whereas it made a great competition. I would have preferred to leave it, me, at five minutes of the end, so that it has a true ovation. I did not expect an ovation like that one... "

Sin

Great to see such encouragement from the Liberal Catholics.

Fantastic New Pet: The BunPup

Genetic scientists have come up with what they believe is the perfect pet, the Bunnypuppy.

The Bunnypuppy, or "BunPup" is a hybridized rabbit-dog. Created by BunPup Laboratories after 20 years of careful, ethical research, this beautiful and exotic furry animal is docile, friendly, and lives for about 5 years.

Modelled to look and act permanently young, the BunPup retains it's soft coat, which can be produced in a range of designer colors. It has the sensitive nose and ears of both animals. It is sterile so it can't reproduce, and can be safely left in a garden, where the worst it will do is scratch about. It will make no attempt to escape, as it has the rabbit's docility matched with the dog's loyalty. It has no gender, so no more embarassing leg moments around the barbecue.

A BunPup is intelligent enough to learn it's own name, has a "quiet, appealing cry, not like a dog at all." Left alone, it chases itself around even in small area, so it doesn't need to be excercised to keep healthy. It's vegetarian, so it's less smelly than a dog, and can hold it's droppings in until convenient for you. There are no known diseases or health problems associated with this new animal.

What more better companion could you buy your children or elderly relative?

ORDER YOUR BUNPUP NOW!

Health And Unsafety

In an astonishing moment of synchronicity, as health and safety workers convened to discuss evacuation strategies, the floor they were on collapsed injuring four of them.

"The affected area has been sealed off but the rest of the building remains operational," a spokesperson for the company said, "in agreement with the health and safety officers". - AFP